Who is Coaching you?

by | Apr 1, 2024 | Leadership

Who is coaching you? No, I am not asking for a recommendation. I am asking for a reflection.
What inner voice do you listen to most of the time?

Working with clients and reflecting on my own self talk I have noticed three primary types of inner voices.

The first voice is the inner critic. It is pretty easy to spot. It says things like you’re not good enough, you’re weird and awkward, or you’re too old or too young. This voice is mean, rough, and fights dirty. It hits below the belt.

The inner critic says things that you would be offended by if you heard them directed at another person. Because the aim of this voice is to keep a person down through verbal abuse, I call this one the Abuser.

The second voice is also negative, but it is much more subtle and many people mistake this voice for being loving and understanding. It isn’t. It is fearful and anxious. This one I think of as the Excuser because it makes excuses for behavior that can keep a person from being their best. The Excuser’s goal is to keep a person just the way they are and does so by normalizing low effort and low expectations.

The Excuser says things like:

  • Lots of people are unhappy or out of shape.
  • You should be satisfied with what you have.
  • Just take it easy.
  • Don’t get so serious.

It says these things even though it knows that it is not really what you want.

The third voice is the only one of the three that has your best interests in mind. It is your Inner Fighter. It has a tough love voice. This voice says things like:

  • Don’t stop now you’ve come so far.
  • Everything dream comes with a price. This is the price.
  • So what if it is cold/hot/difficult/windy/confusing/intimidating stick to it.
  • Give it just one more rep/try/attempt/lap
  • You are made for more.
  • You have the right to the life you want.
  • Look at whose lives will be better because of your effort.
  • You are wonderfully and fearfully made.
  • You only fail if you quit.

This voice is your fighter. It is the only one worth listening to. It wants what is best for you and will not sugar coat the truth.

So who will you choose to be your coach? The Abuser? The Excuser? Or your Inner Fighter – the one who will push you to be your best?

Get a good inner coach. It will help you be a better leader for your team and for your family.